Up until a year agoI saw the world as a place where very few doors opened for me.

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So you're not a "10" in every which way. But you're probably pretty spectacular in some way, and definitely good enough in most areas of life. If ever there were a time to stop beating yourself up for being human, it is now. Verified by Psychology Today. Fulfillment at Any Age.

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Did certain moments feel awkward?

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The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech. George Bernard Shaw. You know the host and a couple of other guests. There will be drinks. There will be small talk. Do you feel excited to meet all those new people? Or are you shrinking away in horror and already thinking about faking peritonitis to get out of it?

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There are two kinds of people in this world. Unfortunately for the latter, they also have to socialise at least occasionally. Good conversation is like a well-paced game of tennis, neither too fast to return serve, nor failing to return and letting the ball drop. Doug Larson. Assume you already have a friendly people. Drop your shoulders, breathe out, offer a smile or a brief but firm handshake as appropriate.

We have two ears and one tongue that we might how more and talk less. Most people wait until the other stops speaking and then weigh in with their own talks. Active listening is a technique that aims to ensure the speaker feels heard. Listen, acknowledge by gestures such as nodding, and then summarise what they said before responding. The primary use of conversation is to satisfy the impulse to talk. George Santayana. Relax and let them answer one question at a time. Lynn Coady. Look at the other newspaper or trade magazine before you arrive to see what the hot topics are.

Frank Carson. We draw a great deal of meaning from the way speech is delivered. The words are often less important than tone, speed, and clarity of speech. Breathe evenly. Adjust your volume to match the room.

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Speaking too fast will lose your listener, and too slow will bore them. Comedians are masters of timing, but they practise their material — in low stakes situations — before headlining their national tour. A conversation is a dialogue, not a monologue. Truman Capote. Remember that conversation is a game in which both parties speak and listen in turn. Ricky Maye. Conversation is not a full-contact sport.

Make small talk less of a big deal

Rein in the need to be right all the time and keep away from arguments. If someone tries to pick a fight with you, decline. Move away, feign ignorance, or change the subject. Social gatherings are rarely good settings in which to confront people. The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right place but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. Dorothy Nevill. In a mixed gathering, there will be a range of opinions on any subject.

1. they listen first – then focus on being active and constructive

One of the great joys of life is discussing deeper issues, but reserve that for the right audience. Avoid politics, religion, and any charged subject from current news. Socialising is hard enough. Silence is one of the great arts of conversation. Do they show s of interest with open body language? Are they oriented towards you, the exit, or someone else?

Listening is just as important as speaking when it comes to small talk.

One of the worst sins is constantly scanning the room for the next mark. This makes the other person feel ignored and inificant.

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If you see someone else you want to speak with, finish your conversation and excuse yourself politely. Know when a conversation has ended and try to move on with grace. Pay attention to cues.

Talking to new people is hard because there are so many unknowns

On the other hand, if you do connect with someone, ask open questions and listen. If you want them to say a bit other, try people combined with encouraging actions such as smiling or nodding. Often people will respond again to fill the silence. If not, offer something of your own.

The best conversations happen when both people are relaxed and willing to reveal something true about themselves. Introverts, in contrast, may have strong social skills and enjoy parties and business meetings, but after a while wish they were home in their pajamas…many have a horror how small talk but enjoy deep discussions. Susan Cain. Extroverts are energised by social contact, whereas introverts are drained by it.

Both need other people to varying extents. Treat small talk as a starter for ten rather than a trial. Life is all about talk connections and that means being comfortable with social situations, whether you prefer talking or listening. Get my guide to reclaiming your creativity here.

Writer, physician, lifelong learner dedicated to telling the stories all around us. Free guide Unleash Your Creativity at 2squarewriting. Words are magic. Medium is an open platform where million readers come to find insightful and dynamic thinking.

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Here, expert and undiscovered voices alike dive into the heart of any topic and bring new ideas to the surface. Learn more. If you have a story to tell, knowledge to share, or a perspective to offer — welcome home. Write on Medium.

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Dr Pat Aitcheson Follow. Publishous How to be your best self. Publishous Follow. Make tomorrow better today. Written by Dr Pat Aitcheson Follow. More From Medium. Marilyn Regan. Johnson in LV Development. Ashley Broadwater in Hello, Love.

Yael Wolfe in Sexography. The Cut in The Cut. I tried an elitist dating app for a month. Victoria M. The darker side of marriage. UC Berkeley. The Exquisite Joy of a Clingy Partner. Joe Duncan in Pollinate Magazine.

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