What if one person stays in touch with an ex, or has an opposite-sex pal? A study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology estimated that an opposite-sex friendship can result in an affair as often as 15 percent of the time.
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In several of these couples, one partner is all but out the door while the other partner is fighting for one last chance to save the marriage. Regardless of the reasons, the set up is that one partner wants out or, minimally, space while the other one wants the marriage.
The problem with all these tactics is that they have the opposite effect from what the person is going for—they inevitably push their spouse away rather than bring them closer. And although these attempts make sense, given that the person is feeling desperate and scared, they are the LAST thing you want to do if your spouse is saying they want space or—worse yet—they want to leave you. If you find yourself in this situation—avoid doing all of the above at all cost.
The last thing you want to do with someone who says they need space is to smother them and give them no space.
Listen to calming musicgo for a walk, call a friend etc. All these moves come out of desperation, which—like it or not—is highly unattractive and will only result in them feeling more distance and even disdain for you. Find individual support for yourself so you can show up differently in this relationship and have support through the insecure and lonely times.
Show your insecurities to the professionals, not your spouse. Get calm, get grounded and get strong.
There are few things more attractive than confidence and strength. Show up differently—in ways that your spouse has likely been asking you to do for years. If they complained about your anger—show up calm and stay calm.
If they complained about your lack of help—step up and get responsible—help them. If they complained that you never listened, were emotionally unavailable or work too much—be present, listen and stop zoning out and escaping.
Challenge: If you want a chance at winning your spouse back, you have to give them the space to miss you. Let them miss you. Please do not take this personally. We also have a 10 year old son. I have very mixed als from my wife, and they are incredibly difficult to understand. When we hit our difficulties I became somewhat manic and female because things were already hard and than I had that seek set on my shoulders. I started counseling, and even the in-laws became adamant in chat a support net for me. And the request for space which while difficult I agreed to.
Even keeping general contact to a minimal unless necessary. She sleeps with her wedding ring next to her on a necklace, as well as keeps sentimental separates by her at all times.
As well as things like a blanket my grandmother gave me shortly before her death. Should I see these things as good s? Yes, these are all good s. Be sure to work on the original issues that led to her unhappiness as well. Best of luck!
My husband and I have been together for almost 13 years. In July we got in a fight nothing huge.
It was over his ex his daughters mom and how she talks to me implying that she can do as she pleases with my husband telling me if she wanted him she could have him let that sink in. I was furious and hurt! From that day on he pulled away more and more. Started treating me like trash. I would talk to him about how hurt I was and how he treats me. About a month in I mentioned leaving the home with our 2. He has not tried to stop me. Still has sex.
Kisses me hugs me. Says I love you. Idk if leaving is right or wrong. Idk if he still wants us.
He tells me to stop talking about it. How long does one wait!? I want a life back. I want happiness and for our 2 kids to go back to a normal life. My husband of 19 years said last August he wanted to seperate. We had grown apart in years due to infertility and job changes, a very stressful time.
I was devastated when he said we should split. In March I left the home and stayed in the hotel for a few nights; I just needed to get away from the situation. However 3 days in he phoned me, desperate to see me. We met up and he looked dreadful, he said he missed me and asked me to come home. He was crying and it was very distressing to see him like that.
But when I came home we went back into this limbo of no affection, no sex. We get along very well at home, always have but not living like a couple. I have been working on myself physically and mentally. What should I do? I also suggest you both get into couples treatment. All the best, Lisa.
Wonderful and insightful article. I think I made almost all those mistakes out of anxiety and disbelief in seeing my year-old marriage breaking. My husband over the past 2 years started becoming emotionally detached with me, and this past year it grew physically too. I felt a sense of loneliness when he announced he wanted it out of the marriage and was checked out. This hit me really hard, and through the initial months, I was desperate, whining, crying, went into depression, anxiety attacks, begging to be in the relationship, etc.
I want to win him back but I also want respect, acknowledgment, and love with some boundaries. Is it too much to ask for? Is this relationship worth saving?
My name is Michael and My husband and I have been together for 8 years and married for 2 years. I found out a few days ago, after his trip to NC to help a friend of ours who is going through a mental breakdown, that he wants to separate.
He says after all the advice he has given our friend on this trip, it made him realize he has been unhappy for months now, and that he should take his own advice and figure himself out. We have 3 businesses together, a house and 3 dogs.
I understand the stress he is going through And why he may feel this way. I also understand he may be depressed with recently losing someone who was more of a mother to him and as he feels everything falls on him. I want to respect his wishes And give him space, but how do I go about doing this if we live and have to manage the businesses together?
My wife and I have had our fair share up ups and downs over the last 7 years 5 years married. She does everything and I do nothing but go to work for long hours and come home dead to the world and rarely contribute to the household. I have come to the realization that I suffer from depression and ultimately have been emotionally and physically shut down for a lot of our marriage.
My wife wants to separate, but I know she is still the love of my life and the greatest thing to happen to me.
I am seeking help to cure my depression and seek a better man who my wife deserves. Am I too female Is my marriage salvageable? Dear Jim, It sounds like you are on the right track. Nice work! Continue to do your individual work on not being so shut down and working on your depression and then see what happens with your marriage.
Keep getting the help you need to turn this around and then show up differently with your wife. I have seen many men be able to turn things around and win their wives back when they are able to do this, so yes there is a chance if you make the changes you need to make—and consistently keep those chats.
She says she loves me still but also loves him. I made a lot of the mistakes in the article above during the first week. I then left for 2 days separated back and told her if she wanted she could leave so she can clear her head.
The other man lives across the country and seems unwilling to leave his wife and .
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